Words Of Wisdom...

Once in a while something really good is forwarded to the mailbox. And this is one of them. Specially for all the sarcastic bast**ds out there. Enjoy!

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow... neither, do not walk beside me...Just, pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the best time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Always remember that you are unique... Just like everyone else.

6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

7. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

8. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

9. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

12. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

13. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

17. Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

19. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

20. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

22. Never, ever, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

If you're REEEEAAAAALLLLL bored at work....

Here's something you can do with your mates....

http://www.rpsgame.com/cgi-bin/challenge.cgi

This is serious...

Calvin and Hobbes Omnibus...

Current Song in Head: Stand Up for Singapore, Don and Drew's Reggae Remix

Dropped by Kinokuniya last weekend, and guess what I found? Yep, the Calvin and Hobbes complete collection Omnibus is out. 3 thick volumes of nothing but Calvin and Hobbes! But its a whopping 281 bucks. Bloody 'ell....

Don't think I'll have the money to buy that as yet. No, I should correct myself... Won't be spending that kind of money on comics yet. In the mean time, I'll have to settle for something like a strip off the web.

Uncle Mutton

Check out Uncle Mutton at this website, from the Don and Drew show. Funny shit. Tragic tale of the mutton smelling uncle.

Website: http://www.donanddrew.com/

Video: http://www.mediacorpradio.sg/podcasting/987fm/dondrew/files/page0_blog_entry239_1.wmv

Sunday - Beginning of the week or end of the week?

Current Song in Head: Uncle Mutton, Don and Drew

Ok, I'm having a debate with my little princess. Is Sunday the start of the week or the end of the week? My stand is that the Sunday is the end of the week cause it is called the weekends right (including Saturday)? But my little princess thinks that Sunday is the beginning of the week because most of the calenders start with Sunday, including her precious handphone.

I've done some research and found that Christians usually assume the beginning of the week to be Sunday but yet the International Standard Organisaion has decided to use Monday as the start of the week. So which is which?

I'm sure that people have different opinions and I respect that. But I for one would be sticking to believing that Monday is the start of the week, otherwise, I might have to start going to work on Sundays. And don't even get me started on how the Arab countries take the weekends to be Thursdays and Fridays...

Whats wrong with the world, mama?

Stephen King must be going through a very bad patch. As a matter of fact, I think all the writers of the horror genre aren't earning much these days. Who needs to buy a horror storybook from a book store for 20 bucks when you can have one delivered to your house at just 70 cents? Yep, you read that right, 70 cents, the price of the daily horror newspaper.

These days, fact can be more frightening than fiction. Bombing in Bali, execution styled killings in Iraq, earthquake in Pakistan and India, bird flu in Europe and Asia, tsunami in the Indian Ocean, hurricane at the Gulf Coast just to name a few. It may seem as if the world is coming to an end.

And you know what pisses me off the most about all this? People are still trying to kill each other, all for the sake of 'religion'. Jeez... If there isn't enough people dying in the world already. Don't these people have better things to do? Maybe they find that life is worth living any more. If thats the case, they should volunteer themselves to find the cure for the AIDS virus or something.

Actually, if you think about it, the actions of these extremist are pretty pathetic compared to the force of nature. Here's exhibit A, the picture on the left is a picture from the Indonesian coast line after the tsunami and the picture on the right is one of the buildings bombed by a suicide bomber in Bali.

As you can probably see for yourself, the tsunami totally obliterated everything in its path. On the other hand, dumb ass bomb from dumb ass suicide bomber only helped re-decorate the building. Ok, he succeeded in killing a few people, but you got to subtract the total death count by one, cause he took his own life too. Retard.

In any case, the total death count of both the Bali bombings can't compare to what a tsunami or earthquake could do. Heck, even the total number of fatalities suffered due to the selfishness of those few terrorist cannot compare to what a single tsunami can do. If you ask me, the terrorist should employ Mother Nature to do their dirty deeds, that way, they can get more people killed. Duh...

Its funny how news of disasters seem to get more and more these days. Is the world really coming to an end? If it is coming to an end, how would it end? Greenhouse effect toasting everyone to death? Uncontainable nuclear leak? Or maybe the bird flu would start the second Black Plague and wipe out half the population of the world. I can't help but think that the human race plays a very big part in the destruction of our Earth. But one thing is for sure, the world won't be wiped out by a band of pathetic extremist! Ciao for now, in the mean time, check this out, and don't forget to watch the video!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/4334086.stm

Link courtesy of Wee Y.

A Funeral, A Wedding and A Baby's First Month Party

Current Song in Head: The Blower's Daughter, Damien Rice

An interesting thing happened during the course of last week. I managed to witness 3 of life's greatest moment, birth, marriage and death in a single week. Not in that particular order though.

The week started off with the first month party of my baby nephew on Sunday.(wow, I'm an uncle not to 1, 2 or 3 but 4 kids, I'm getting old!) Although not exactly the birth of my nephew, it was almost as close as it could be. Being a family affair, it is only natural that the whole party was boring. (I have a boring extended family) About the only interesting there was the buffet spread, prata, teriyaki chicken, porridge, nasi lemak, waffles. You name it they have it.

Even such a sumptious spread could not make me stay for long. Somehow I just cannot connect with my extended family. Maybe half of them being clowns and the other half being cyborgs could be part of the reason. Hmmmm....

In any case, as in most of these parties, the centre of attention is obviously the newly born. My nephew didn't seem to be bothered by the attention he was getting. As a matter of fact, I think we share something in common, both of us feels that our relatives are a boring bunch that can put a person to sleep. If I'm not mistaken, my nephew was sleeping almost all the time, only crying once or twice when the boredom really got to him. Poor sod.

The next day, I attended a friend's dad's funeral. This being the first time in awhile since my JC classmates have met each other, the funeral became more of a class outing. It started off respectfully enough. We arrived at the funeral parlour, lit a joss stick each, said our prayers, offered our condolences to the family of the late and gave our white gold. For those not accustomed to the Chinese custom, white gold, or baijing, is kind of like a monetary donations to the bereaved family. Most of the time the money is used to cover the funeral expenses. In some cases, it can be used to build a 3rd story in your existing house.

Anyway, after the initial respectful chit-chat, we started our usual corny banter. Even the friend of the recently departed dad joined it. Glad to see that in death, there is still joy. It is really interesting to note that finally everyone is in the working world. Hard to believe that we've known each other for more than 8 years. Strange that it took a funeral to bring us together after awhile, but nevertheless, it was a great night.

Having attended a funeral and the first month party of a baby, the wedding of my little princess's friends at the end of the week completed life's journey for me. Since I don't even know the bride and the groom and my little princess do not have many common friends with the couple, we were seated at a table with nobody that we know.

It was not exactly a night for me to remember but I wouldn't say the night was a disaster. I guess the main problem here is I do not know anyone and wasn't exactly in a chatty mood that night. In any case, I'm glad that I had 3 servings of shark fin soup. Hehe... Oh yes, and my little princess looks like an ice-skating champ that night! With her hair tied back and a black haute neck that has a shimmering strap, she could easily pass off as a Winter Olympics champ! Too bad I didn't have the camera with me that night.

All in all, it has been a rather eventful week, and if there is one thing I've learnt, it doesn't matter what the occasion is, what matters is the people that you're celebrating/attending/mourning the occasion with!

Another Saturday Morning

Current Song in Head: Another Saturday Night, Sam Cooke

Another Saturday morning and I ain't got no money,
I'm work cause I've not been paid,
How I wish I had humans to talk to,
I'm having an awful day...

Bloody bored at work this morning, so I had some time to make inane quotes and lyrics. Here are some quotes that I thought up.

"Have fun at work? Thats tougher than looking for a needle in a haystack!"

"I'm like a herbivorous lion. I'm a software engineer that doesn't like programming!"

Sigh... Twelve thirty can't come soon enough...

Taking Each Day as it Comes

Current Song in Head: You Know You're Right, Nirvana

Was talking to an old friend recently and commented to him about how working life isn't my cup of tea. They say that one should look for a job that he likes, that way the job won't be a drag. If thats the case, my job can be vaguely described as a cross-dressing drag queen.

Gone are the days where I can look forward to each day, and take each day as it comes. When you don't enjoy your job (not that I hate it, I just don't like it as much as I should), the day can be really long, it becomes easier to look forward to the weekends. So instead of taking each day as it comes, I'm beginning to take each week as it comes. Sigh...

And the only reason why I'm taking each week as it comes is because there are still weekends to look forward to. But I'm sure there will be a time, when all my weekends are wasted in front of some dumb program and I cannot even look forward to it. When that day comes, there is only the paycheck to look forward to. In other words, I'll have to take each month as it comes. Double sigh...

Boy, am I in a pessimistic mood today. Saturday afternoon can't come soon enough. Still have to work on bloody Saturday morning. Crap...

Grandma's Tales

Current Song in Head: That chinese song singing about grandpa and grandma's love story, don't know what its called...

Paid a visit to my grandma on Friday. Its been a long time since I last met her and the first time I met her since I started work. Anyway, was talking to her about work and life in general, then she started telling me some interesting stories of herself when she was young.

Well, when she was a wee girl, no more than 7, she was enrolled into an English education based school by her father. However, being poor in her English and with a strong preference in Chinese, to say that grandma didn't fair too well in her mid year exams would be an understatement.

When her dad came to know of her results, he demanded her to explain what was wrong and grandma told her dad that she didn't want to study in an English education based school and wanted to go to a Chinese school instead. Her dad was furious, and he asked her to go and enroll in a Chinese school herself. And she decided to do just that, even at the tender age of 7. When I was 7, I probably had trouble wiping my own arse. Haha... Times certainly has changed.

So the next day, after another torturous day at the English school, grandma went to the Chinese school after lessons. She met the principal of the Chinese school and requested for a transfer.

"But why do you want a transfer? The school you're in now is a very good school," the principal reasoned, indicating the English school's uniform that she was still wearing.

"I don't like English," my grandma said,"I cannot understand what the teacher says and so I can't learn everything else."

Seeing that my grandma is pretty insistence in entering her school, the principal relented and asked,"What's your name, girl?"

"Lim Eng," grandma replied.

"Thats a short name," the principal said. "How about I give you my last name? I'll call you Lim Hui Eng, ok?"

Being a kid, my grandma accepted it graciously and from then on, she is called Lim Hui Eng. Interesting huh? But thats not the end of it.

When told that her school fees is going to cost $1, she felt it was a little steep. In those days, a dollar is worth pretty much. So my grandma asked if there was a discount, saying that her dad is a hawker. And indeed, she got her bargain, so her school fees was reduced to 50 cents (no, not that black rapper). Too bad I haven't got her bargaining genes, I know shite about bargaining. In fact, all salesmen probably wished that every customer is like me.

Alrighty, thats enough grandma tales for the day. Good night!

My Sad Lunch Life...

Current Song in Head: Sound of Silence, Simon and Garfunkel

After nearly 2 months at my current job, I've more than realised that food really is very important for my sad existence. I've always knew that my weakness is food, but this job really showed how much I live for it.

Another week of boring fried rice and hor fun is another week for me to curse my fortunes. The area where I work at has only 2 pathetic canteens, each with only one stall. And one of them gives measely amount of food. So basically, I'm down to only one pathetic stall that sells the occasional decent ba kut teh.

My little princess has made me realised today that I'm rather selective in the food I have. Not selective as in picky, but more like selective as in having lots of choices. During my days in University I never did liked eating at the same place more than once a week. Even during my 6 months industrial attachment, I still have a selection of places to eat at. This despite, or perharps, because I was working near a Distri and Industrial Park.

But the 'Sector' I'm currently at is a totally different planet. I have the exciting choice of either fried rice, hor fun or veg rice. Bloody 'ell... Don't know how I'm going to survive this...

The best week I had in terms of food in this job so far was the week where I attended a course at Tiong Bahru Plaza. That really made me feel like I was working at a civilized world again. Sigh... If only my office was somewhere central...

This seems like a rather whiney post but I really got to spit all this out. Can't wait for my holiday to Thailand to come sooner. Yep, I'm going Bangkok and Pattaya at the end of this month. So what if terrorism is on the rise again? Bugger those suicide bombing nincompoops...

To all the singles out there...

Current Song in Head: Sitting, Waiting, Wishing, Jack Johnson

Was daydreaming while doing some boring server installation today, and this old joke came into my mind. Especially useful if you're single and unlikely to be married any time soon. Those of you who have heard this, just bear with me.

You know how when you go to when of your relative's wedding and your aunts and uncles would start a conversation like this with you:

"Aiyoh, look at them! So sweet! I'm so glad that Ah Seng is finally getting married," Aunt Hairy Armpits exclaimed to you.

"So when will it be your turn Ah Boy?" Aunt Triple Chin chips in.

Not wanting to reveal your current single and unlikely-to-change-in-the-next-decade status, you can only smile sheepishly at them.

Well, 'fraid not, there's a solution to this...

The next time you attend a relative's funeral, just ask those aunts when it would be their turn. That should shut them up for awhile...

For the fans of Homer Simpson out there...

http://thetravisty.com/Contents/Sound_Boards/Homer_Simpson.swf